Gift Shop
by Every Shade of Blue
Summary: In the miniseries, it's revealed that part of the Galactica has been converted into a gift shop for the museum. However, this is never revisited again. But what if the pilots had decided to go on a late-night shopping excursion - on the same night that another cylon found his way onto the ship? Naturally, shenanigans ensue!


_"The biggest problem is getting them over to the port launch bay."_

_"Why can't we use the starboard launch?"_

_"It's a gift shop now."_

* * *

"You stink, Apollo."

Lee easily ducked the thrown towel that accompanied this statement, leaning against his locker as he contemplated the implication behind it. Knowing Kara, did he dare ask? He decided he did.

"In general, or in a specifically olfactory sense?"

Kara rolled her eyes at his choice of words. Lee Adama was the only pilot she had ever known who sounded like he'd once memorized a dictionary for fun. "I mean you smell, idiot. You can't seriously expect the rest of us to be okay with you wearing the same sweatshirt you put on after your workout the other day around the bunk room. Or the officers' mess. Or pretty much anywhere there are other people, for that matter."

Lee made a face, frowning down at his own shirt. "It's not my fault. It's not like I brought any off-duty clothes with me from Atlantia. I was only supposed to be here for a few hours." To his surprise, when he finally looked up, Kara had a grin on her face that he knew very well, the one that was usually reserved for those more often than not terrifying occasions when she got some wild, half-baked idea.

"Tell ya what, Apollo," she said happily. "I think I know where we can find you some new clothes."

"Where?" Lee asked cautiously. Very, very cautiously.

Glancing around at the rest of the pilots, who were doing a very poor job of pretending not to listen to the conversation, Kara asked, "Wasn't one of the last supply shipments we got before the attacks a load of crap for the gift shop?"

Several faces brightened at the reminder, and there were murmurs of agreement.

Kara's grin had now achieved rather alarming proportions. "Well, there you go, Adama. Let's go shopping."

Ten minutes later, seven pilots clustered around the entrance to the starboard flight pod, waiting for Starbuck to get the hatch open. Lee hung near the back of the group, wishing he'd never opened his big mouth as his protests that they really weren't supposed to be there fell on deaf ears. After the attacks, the entire starboard launch bay, useless in a military sense now that it contained nothing but a gift shop, had been closed off and mostly shut down in order to conserve power. It was technically off limits, but at the moment, no one seemed to care. Lee had a sneaking suspicion that if they were caught, he would be the one who would get chewed out over it. Because he was the CAG. Right.

Finally remembering that, as their superior officer, he could order the rest of them back to the bunk room if he wanted to, Lee had just opened his mouth – when Kara finally got the door open. She and all five other pilots slipped quickly inside. With a resigned sigh, Lee followed them.

It was so dark inside he could barely see. The lights were inoperable since there was so power. Kara, however, didn't seem to be daunted.

"Check it out!" she called triumphantly, tossing several objects to each of the others. "Customized Battlestar Galactica flashlights!"

Sure enough, in the light from the partially open hatchway, Lee could just make out the familiar phoenix crest emblazoned on the side of the cheap plastic cylinder. Shrugging, he clicked his light on and moved to join the rest of the pilots, who were clustered around several racks covered in similarly decorated sweatshirts.

"Hey, Apollo!" someone called. "What size do you need?"

As strong as the feeling was that he was going to end up in trouble for this, Lee couldn't deny that he needed some new clothes. So he reluctantly answered, "Small."

Several of the pilots said, "Aww!" as Kara reached for the only part of the men's rack that was still untouched and tossed a blushing Lee a few of the smallest men's shirts.

"Short like his daddy," she teased, watching him pull one over his head.

"Shut up," he muttered halfheartedly, already relaxing in the comfort of the fresh, new shirt. Once he saw that everyone else had grabbed what they wanted, though, he added, "Now that we've got what we came for, can we please get out of here?"

It might have worked – if Kara hadn't noticed something even more exciting.

"Are those _shot glasses?_"

Before Lee could stop them, all the pilots were clustered around Kara and her discovery. Laughing excitedly, she scooped the entire display off the shelf, stacking them up and wrapping them in one of her own sweatshirts. "We are gonna have so much fun with these."

Her enthusiasm quickly spread to the rest, and before Lee knew it they were all over the room, messing with whatever they could find.

"Damn it, Kara," Lee muttered in annoyance. "This is ridiculous. We're not even supposed to be here – "

"Oh, get the stick out of your ass, Apollo," Kara answered, grabbing a cap off of a nearby shelf and plopping it down on his head.

Lee rolled his eyes, looking up at the brightly colored brim. "Really?"

"Hmm… you're right," Kara agreed. She reached out and spun the hat around so the brim was in the back. "There you go. Much more bad-boy."

Lee couldn't help laughing. "You're such an ass." Spying a way to get his revenge, he quickly swiped something off of a nearby shelf and tucked it into the hood of Kara's sweatshirt. "I found you a new best friend, Starbuck!" Laughing, he wrestled with her briefly until she finally succeeded in removing the small teddy bear with its tiny plush flight suit from her hood. "I bet even he's a better pilot than you," he said with mock seriousness.

Giving Lee a shove that almost sent him sprawling into the rest of the stuffed animals, Kara stuck her tongue out at him and moved on to the next set of shelves. "Hey, look at these!" She held out what appeared to be a Colonial fleet issue sidearm, except for the ring around the muzzle, which was bright orange.

"Cap guns?" Lee grinned, taking one from her. "Zak and I used to play with these when we were kids."

"Me, too," Kara said. "Check this out." She had pulled out her pocket knife and was working at the orange ring, which quickly popped off in her hand. "There. Looks just like the real thing now – just maybe a little smaller." She grabbed the one from Lee's hand and did the same to it.

"And why was this necessary?" Lee asked, examining the now all too real-looking plastic gun. "Seems like a good way to accidentally get yourself shot – "

He was interrupted by Colonel Tigh's voice echoing through the room in a ship wide broadcast.

"This is the XO. We have reason to believe that a humanoid cylon, possibly one of the models known as Aaron Doral, is currently at large somewhere on this ship. Anyone who encounters him is authorized to use whatever force necessary to capture him, but keep in mind that, armed or not, _he is dangerous_. If anyone takes him alive, contact CIC immediately and marines will be sent to your location."

The broadcast ended. Seven pilots stared at each other in the darkness, shocked.

"How the hell did another one of those frakking toasters get on board?" Kara swore finally.

"Never mind that," someone else said. "What should we do now? Spread out and look for the bastard?" No one answered, so finally, the pilot turned to Lee. "Captain?"

It was only when they all turned to him that Lee again remembered that he was the ranking officer present. Briefly glancing down at the cheap plastic cap gun in his hand, Lee answered slowly, "You heard what the XO said. That thing's dangerous, and none of us are armed. We should stay together, go back and get our sidearms, and then – " He froze suddenly at the unmistakable sound of a single set of running footsteps in the corridor outside. "Lights off! Everybody quiet!" he hissed, clicking off his own flashlight. The rest followed suit.

The footsteps grew steadily closer and closer – and then stopped right outside the slightly-ajar hatch to the gift shop. In the light from the hallway outside, Lee saw the silhouette of a man slip inside and then shut the door behind him. Lee's eyes widened in the sudden darkness, and he blinked rapidly, waiting for them to adjust. Then he felt a hand grip his arm, and Kara's warm breath very close to his ear.

"I have an idea."

_Of course you do_, Lee thought exasperatedly, fairly certain that whatever it was, he wasn't going to like it.

"Back me up."

Before he could ask her just what the hell she intended to do, Kara was gone from her position at his side. Eyes finally somewhat adjusted to the dark, Lee swore quietly and followed her. The two of them, Kara a few steps ahead, crept silently toward to the form huddled just inside the hatch.

_Damn it, Kara, what the hell are you thinking right now…_

Lee got his answer all too soon.

Without any sort of warning whatsoever, Kara broke cover and shouted, "Don't move, you motherfrakking toaster!"

Instinctively, Lee moved to cover her, and both of them stood shoulder to shoulder, threatening a clearly very shocked Aaron Doral – with cap guns.

There was silence for a long, long moment as they all waited for something to happen – none of them were sure what exactly.

_Oh my gods, this is it,_ Lee thought with a groan. _ This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever done, he has to know these frakking guns are fake, oh my gods, oh my gods…_

But nothing happened. Instead, Doral very slowly raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

Almost unable to believe what he was seeing and not wanting to push his luck, Lee cast a brief glance over his shoulder at the other pilots, who all seemed to be rooted to the spot. Much more calmly than he felt, he ordered, "One of you get your ass in gear and go call CIC and tell them we've got the cylon down here."

There was a brief pause, and then one of the shadowy forms broke free of the group, clicked on a flashlight, and moved to the phone on the far wall, speaking quickly into the handset. Then he hung up and called to Lee, "The commander's bringing the marines, Captain."

Lee almost groaned. _Great. Frakking great. Of course the commander himself is gonna come down here and see this._ Suddenly remembering his previous worries, he sighed inwardly. _I am gonna get in so much shit for this one._

What felt like a lifetime later, the silence in the room was again broken by the sound of footsteps. Realizing that Doral was still standing directly in front of the hatch, Lee gestured with his gun and said in what he hoped was a voice almost as intimidating as his father's, "Get over there."

To his great surprise, it worked – although the amused look he received from Kara told him in no uncertain terms that his attempt to emulate his father's no-nonsense growl had neither gone unnoticed nor succeeded. He felt a faint blush creep up his cheeks.

Barely a second later, there was a hum as, for the first time in months, power was restored to the starboard launch bay. The lights clicked on, and the door swung open. Immediately, a squad of marines filed in, and – to Lee's great relief – surrounded their cylon prisoner. The relief was short-lived, however, as a familiar form followed the marines into the room.

_Here we go…_

Bill Adama stood in the doorway, taking in the strange sight before him. Five pilots stood clustered near the back of the room, all holding colorful plastic flashlights and blinking in the bright light. Lee and Kara stood nearer to the door, and had obviously been the ones involved in the cylon's capture. Both were sporting brand-new sweatshirts; Kara's had a small teddy bear tucked in the hood. Lee had a bright blue Galactica cap on his head, sitting backwards and at a ridiculous angle. Bits of his short hair stuck out bizarrely under the edges. He looked like a teenager.

Fighting to hide a grin at the sight, Bill approached them both. "I suppose, given the circumstances, I can overlook the fact that this area is technically off limits," he said, failing to entirely keep the amusement out of his voice.

Lee blushed. Kara just grinned.

"It's lucky you both had your sidearms with you," Bill continued, wondering why in the worlds they had brought their weapons on a late-night excursion to the gift shop.

The silence that was the only response to this statement made Bill instantly suspicious. "…What is it?" he asked finally, not at all certain that he wanted to know the answer.

"Well… uh…" Turning redder by the second, Lee sheepishly held his gun out to his father.

Raising an eyebrow in confusion, Bill reached out and took it. He knew instantly that something wasn't right. The gun was far lighter than it should have been. For one wild moment, he thought it wasn't loaded. But then, as the cheap, plastic material began to register, Bill noticed the scratches around the muzzle – and looked up to see Kara holding out two small orange rings. He immediately put two and two together.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked incredulously. In his mind's eye, he saw two little boys in the backyard of a small house on Caprica, chasing each other as fast as their short legs could carry them, shouting and laughing as they brandished – "_Cap guns?_" Bill took a deep breath, staring incredulously at the two young people in front of him, one impassive, one shamefaced. "Are you seriously telling me that my best pilot and my second highest ranking officer just arrested a dangerous cylon agent… with _toys?_"

Lee and Kara shared a long glance, as if each was daring the other to come up with some sort of excuse. When none was forthcoming, Kara finally turned back to her commanding officer.

"I'd say that about sums it up. Sir."

Lee said nothing. He simply looked as though he wished he could vanish on the spot.

"Well…" Bill said slowly, watching as the marines escorted their prisoner from the room. "Given the events of tonight and the way they've turned out, it seems to me that I have no choice…" he paused for a moment – then stepped forward and held the cap gun back out to a suddenly very stunned Lee. "…but to congratulate you on successfully employing such an… _interesting _strategy." All but biting his tongue so as not to laugh at the shock and confusion on his son's face, Bill added, "Please just don't do it again."


End file.
